Stephen Weaver, MSEd, LMFT
Hi, I’m Stephen. I’m a counselor here at Crosswinds Counseling and a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist seeing individuals, families, couples – I don’t discriminate. I see kids sometimes as well. So I see everybody.
I mainly focus on people and the genuine nature of humanity, rather than being something that they’re not. So I go along with what the author, I believe it’s the Russian author, Solzhenitsyn said, “Hastiness and superficiality are the psychic diseases of the 20th century, and more than anywhere else this disease is reflected in the press.”
Hastiness in that we want to be fixed right now. We want some easy thing that is going to get us through something in our life. And superficiality which is being someone that you’re not. Being fake in some way. So going along saying, ‘I have to fit in here rather than be who I truly am. [Rather than] saying what I truly need to say.
One way I work with people on that is, in the moment, understanding what’s inside of them – and those are protectors, exiles, and internal family systems. [These] kind of delineate the way that kind of therapy is worked with people.
So protectors can be anything from a striving part. ‘I gotta get ahead, I gotta keep going.’ It can be a self-judgment part, always being critical of yourself. It can be anything from anxiety, depression, all of these kinds of things protect the even deeper parts of us that are stuck in the past – that are usually kid-like parts. Things like embarrassment, hurt, trauma. All of these kinds of things are kind of crying to get out, but those protectors really think that we can’t deal with them anymore. So they just say, ‘‘We gotta keep things copasetic.’
So, it’s really about confronting those parts and those exiles, but not in a way that is dismissive or pushing them away. It’s more accepting them, understanding, being curious of them rather than just trying to constantly get rid of them. So that’s the kind of way I work in therapy, trying to get you to understand yourself genuinely.