- Are you wondering how to have a happy family? Who doesn’t want to have a “happier” family? These are such great questions. I think that it is first important to note that no family is 100% happy all the time. There is always seasons and will always be times of higher mood and lower mood. There is a time for everything (see Eccl. 3). With this said, there are several habits that can increase the amount of times of “happiness” in your family.
Work to Be a More Happy Person Yourself
Remember first that often the mood of the parent will drive the mood of the family. If the parent is able to regulate their mood or maintain a positive attitude, then often this will help the other family members regulate their mood better and be able to maintain a more positive attitude. Attitude is very contagious both in a positive and negative way. If you are able to stay focused on the positive and even see the negative at a time to grow and mature (see James 1:2-4), then this positive attitude will permeate through your whole family.
The second suggestion that I would make, is to focus on majors, not on the minors. There are always little things that bother us as parents. And these little things can at times make us crazy. However, we need to develop the ability to step back from the situation and evaluate how important is this issue. Is this important enough to disrupt the positive flow if the family, is it a lesson that the “rebellious teen” needs to learn at this time? Often if we are able to step back and evaluate, we find that many of these things that “bother” us is our own issue and that they are not really that important. Now, do not get me wrong there are important things that definitely need to be taught to, character issues, such as honesty, hard work, etc. But if we focus on the majors and let go of the minors, we will eliminate a lot of negativity in our families.
Another suggestion that I would make is to approach the times of confrontation as a teaching situation, not a correcting situation whenever possible. Again, as parents we need to evaluate is this behavior done out of defiance (then correction and discipline is appropriate) or is it done out of ignorance (then teaching of the correct way of behaving needs to be taught). As an example, I am currently in the middle of teaching two of my teenage kids to drive. It would be wrong of me to get upset and yell at them over the things that they are just learning about driving, as they are just learning how to do it. I want to teach them what they do not know, not discipline them or get upset with them. However, there are times when the situation is a major deal (risk of getting hurt or hurting others) where my instruction becomes very directive (i.e. “stop now”). But they are just learning, I do not expect them to have learned all that I have learned in the past 25 years of driving. Seeing situations as a teaching opportunity rather than a disciplinary situation, can bring a lot of peace to a family.
Another suggestion that I would have is to make sure that you are praising them for the good things that they are doing. Research indicates that kids learn a lot quicker when praised for positive or right behavior, than they do for being consequence for a negative or wrong behavior. Catch them doing it right and praise them for it. Besides, who doesn’t like to be praised. We all like someone to recognize when we put extra effort into something or did something well (our supervisor or our spouse). If we like it as adults, how much more important is it for our children to receive our praise.
Finally, I would suggest that you find times to just have fun as a family. Find time to laugh as a family. We as a society are way too busy. Set aside some time (even if it is just one evening a week) to do something together for fun as a family. It is hard to be a “happy, healthy” family if we do not have any time to build relationships and enjoy each other’s company.
There are no more important relationships (outside of our relationship with God) than those with our family. It takes time and it takes effort, but it is worth it in the end, because positive, happy relationship within the family will pay off for a life-time. It is well worth investing the extra time and effort in the long run not only will you enjoy the time you spend with your family more, but they will also learn these positive habits that will help them as they raise their own family some day.