In Defense Of Your Marriage With Phil Erichsen, MA, LMHC

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Hi, my name is Phil Erichsen and I’m one of the licensed therapists here at Crosswinds Counseling. Now, I’ve been reliably informed by some people a lot smarter than me who know data and facts and things about our website and all the tech stuff, that a lot of people who’ve been going to our website have been searching for some common themes, and it tends to be something geared around marriage specifically.

The word “marriage” itself is a common search word that is used on our site, and that happens to be a great thing for me because I love marriage. and I love marriage counseling. In fact that is the passion that I have in therapy. I love to work with clients who are trying to rebuild and reconnect in their marriage.

I went on Amazon and I bought this gavel here. This little thing. And I spent actual money on this thing for this exact purpose. I bring up this thing just in marriage counseling and I give this kind of analogy. I say:

“If your spouse were to upset you or do something that hurt you, could you become their defense attorney and make a case and defend them in a court of law? in that court there's a judge that's a clone of you that's very upset, and there's a jury. All the jury are all clones of you that are very upset. They are ready to convict your spouse, but in that courtroom, as your spouse's defense attorney, can you make a case and provide some reasonable doubt? Some benefit of the doubt as to why they didn't do this thing on purpose to hurt you? Why it whatever it may be, maybe they were just exhausted or tired of fatigued? Or they just made an honest human error or mistake.”

Reminding yourself that you know that they love you and care about you and why, I love to ask this question:

“Why would your spouse do that on purpose?”

You know, many times in marriage counseling, I tell people:

“Look there is no villain in this room here. There is no one with the goatee and the maniacal laughter trying to crush the other person's soul.”

Almost all marital conflicts are just mistakes or errors that are unintentional. So I use these kinds of analogies here, and most marital therapists, we’re trying to do that as well. And it’s just trying to bring you back to reconnecting and believing in your spouse. Bringing back that joy. Usually, we have you do some fun stuff, some encouraging things. It’s not all torturous. It’s not all conflict resolution. In fact that that is a part of it, but a lot of it is underlying there. And it’s usually a lot of fun. [It] can be exciting. At least I try to make it that way.

So I will tell you that if any of these things are something that you’re working on, that you need some guidance or some help in your marriage, make sure to just give us a call. My name is Phillip Erichsen. If you want to meet with me or one of our many awesome marital therapists here, go ahead and give us a call and we would love to help you out in the needs that you have.

Thank you very much.

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