Written By: Kati Quigley, MA, LMHC
Do your mornings consist of arguments between you and your anxious child about going to school? Do you feel like you are stuck in a cycle that involves both you and your child frustrated in the mornings? If you answered yes to these questions, please know you are not alone. As a therapist at Crosswinds Counseling, I work with many children who struggle with anxiety and have a hard time getting to school in the morning. I would like to provide you with three helpful tips to help your mornings run smoother and give you some peace of mind.
1. Set up a reward system.
The first and easiest place to start is to set up some type of reward system. The night before, sit down with your child and have a meeting about some of the new changes that are going to happen in the morning. Get them excited about an opportunity to earn something that they choose (within reason).First, have them decide what time in the morning they would like to be ready. You can remind them what time the car needs to leave in the morning. Next, ask if they want you to remind them of the time in the morning. If they decide they do not want help, then honor that decision. Last, if the child is dressed, teeth brushed, breakfast eaten, and backpack ready at the predetermined time, then they earn one star. When they get to 5 stars, they get the agreed-upon reward!
2. Give them choices.
Giving children choices helps give them a sense of control and empowers them to make decisions. This is especially important for children who struggle with anxiety. For example, pick out three outfits and have your child choose their favorite or allow your child to choose their breakfast out of four choices offered. Another “choice opportunity” can be for them to choose the music played in the car on the way to school. Remember, your child does not get to choose whether or not they go to school. If your child starts to challenge the choice to go to school, you can calmly say, “Not going to school is not one of the choices right now, but you can choose the songs we play on the way there. Stay consistent and stay calm.
3. Set up specific and consistent expectations.
Children with anxiety crave predictability. To help ease their worried mind, it can be helpful to go over the plan for the morning the night before and again in the morning. Be concise and specific. For example, you could say something like: “Tomorrow at school I will walk you up to your classroom. I will give you one hug and one kiss, then I will say goodbye and leave.” Remember to stick to whatever you decide for that day. If the plan is to say goodbye at the door, then do not walk into the classroom. Make sure to communicate with your child’s teacher to let them know your concerns and your plan for drop off. If your child is struggling with their anxiety in the mornings, it might be helpful to explore those anxious thoughts in more detail within the therapeutic setting. This is where a counselor can help explore those cognitions and give tools to cope with the anxiety.