How Not To Spoil Your Children
The role of being a parent can be tricky. As parents, it is our job to train our children to become responsible adults. We also love our children, and want to give them the things that they want, sometimes even when those things aren’t responsible. Some parents believe that it is important to say “no” so that our children will not become spoiled and later on be disrespectful children or teens. Other parents tend to say “yes” more often. Parents who say “yes” become labeled as permissive. Parents who say “no” become labeled as strict.
Kids need parents. They need us to provide meals, and housing, and clothes, and everything else. They also need us to teach them how to make decisions. Children and teens need parents to make choices for them based on what is best for them, because we are better at making decisions than they are. If given the chance, 5 year olds would have ice cream for dinner every night, and some teens would never do their homework or stay out all night with their friends. Parents know that these choices are not best for our children, so we give them healthy food to eat, and curfews.
Parents have all kinds of reasons for giving their children what they want. No one wants to be the permissive parent, or the parent who is trying to be their child’s friend. But is it wrong to give children what they want, just because they want it? No. The difference is in the heart behind the decision. Giving children what they want should come from a heart of caring, not convenience. It may be more convenient to avoid the argument by allowing children to play video games all day, or wear whatever they want to school, or to have ice cream for dinner. But the caring thing to do is to use our judgment as parents to determine what is best for our children, and then enforce our decisions with caring, teaching, and consequences. However, sometimes the caring parent will choose to let children do something just because it’s fun. Like having ice cream for dinner… or maybe just for dessert.
Have more questions about whether or not you may be spoiling your child? Contact us, and talk to one of our staff members about your child’s situation.