The Experience Of A Crosswinds Counselor
I have 2 daughters, ages 6 and 2. This year, my 6-year-old received some princess dolls as a Christmas gift from her aunt. As soon as they were out of the package, both girls were playing with them and the 2 year old started saying, “My dolls.” It was cute. We all laughed. She knew they belonged to her sister, and we corrected her, but they were playing together, and everything was fine.
Then, the 2 year old saw that her sister had one of the dolls, and she wanted it. She tried to pull it away, but we told her to let go, and she could have the next turn with it. As soon as she let go, she pulled her hand back, and smacked her sister with all her little might.
I said her name, and before I could even say, “Time out” she had collapsed into tears. She immediately regretted her decision. She had an impulse (“I should hit my sister”), and never even hit the brakes until it was too late.
The Difference Between a Growing Child and a Child With ADHD
Kids are horrible decision-makers. That’s why we don’t let them drive, or cook by themselves, and that’s why we have babysitters or grandparents stay with them when we go to work. It’s not just because they can’t reach things. Left to themselves, kids would eat candy for dinner and burn the house down.
The reason kids are such bad decision-makers is because they have underdeveloped frontal lobes. The frontal lobe is the part of the brain in the front, right behind your forehead, and it is the brakes of the brain. The frontal lobe is the part of the brain that weighs the consequences of actions, and decides whether acting on an impulse will be good or bad in the long run.
All kids have slow brakes. In time, they grow and learn, and their frontal lobes are strengthened to the point that they become good decision-makers in adulthood (ideally). ADHD is the result of an underdeveloped frontal lobe, which is a condition that all kids have. So what is the difference between being a kid who is learning to make better decisions and focus, and a kid who has ADHD?
Signs of ADHD
There are some signs to look out for. There are 2 parts of ADHD: Inattention and Hyperactivity/Impulsivity.
Signs of inattention:
- Often fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes on schoolwork or other activities.
- Difficulty sustaining attention in tasks or play.
- Does not seem to listen when spoken to directly. *Note: This is not a child being defiant, this is a child who seems to not be able to listen.
- Does not follow through on instructions and fails to finish tasks. *Again, we are not talking about defiance.
- Difficulty organizing tasks and activities. His/her room is probably a mess.
- Avoids tasks that require sustained mental effort. This child probably hates school work because he/she has learned that they have a hard time staying focused.
- Often loses things necessary for tasks.
- Easily distracted.
- Forgetful.
Signs of hyperactivity/impulsivity:
- Often fidgets with hands or feet, or squirms in seat.
- Often leaves his/her seat when staying seated is the expectation.
- Often runs about or climbs on things in situations where that behavior is inappropriate.
- Often unable to play quietly.
- Seems restless and is difficult to keep up with.
- Often talks excessively.
- Often blurts out an answer before the question is finished.
- Often has difficulty waiting for his/her turn.
- Often interrupts others.
(Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders: DSM-5. (5th ed., pp. 59-60). (2013). Washington, D.C.: American Psychiatric Association.)
My Child Has Some of These Signs – Do They Have ADHD?
All kids do all of these things sometimes. This is because all kids have underdeveloped frontal lobes (slow brakes). But if a child seems to have 6 or more signs on one or both of these lists, and he/she seems to struggle with these problems more than other children who are the same age, then he/she may have ADHD.
Talking to a doctor about possibly giving kids some help from medication that can speed up those brakes may be necessary, but medication alone may not be enough. Working with a therapist to develop a behavior plan can strengthen the natural growth and development of a child’s brain.
Therapists can also give parents strategies that are specifically tailored for their family. These strategies will help strengthen kids’ brakes so they can grow into the good decision-makers that we want them to be.
If you think your child may be showing symptoms of ADHD, we can help. Talk to our staff today about Parent Coaching or Counseling and how we can help you and your child work together.