Help! How can I keep my child safe from drugs and alcohol?

Teaching Kids About Drugs And Alochol

Teaching kids about drugs and alcohol

Did you know that you, the parent, are still the number one greatest influencer in your teenager’s life? Behind every rolling of their eyes, every sarcastic smile, and every disapproving groan is a child who wants and needs to feel loved, safe and like she belongs. How great is it that your teen actually wants these things from you and your family! So when it comes to the question of “How can I keep my teenager safe from drugs, alcohol, and the need for a substance abuse counselor” – YOU are the answer!

So what does your teenager need to feel loved, safe, and like he belongs? First, children –yes, even your “rebellious” teenager who cringes at the thought of giving you a hug in public- needs to feel loved. There are many ways to show your love to your teen. One of the best ways to do this is to spend quality time with her. Prioritize one on one time with your teen. Seek times where you can engage in her favorite hobby. Schedule trips to the mall. Go to your favorite ice cream shop together. Play your son’s favorite video game with him. Rent a movie to watch together. Make dinner together. Whatever you choose, be sure to show your teen that you enjoy spending time with them and have fun!

Once your teen is feeling loved, it is time to address the safety issue. I prioritize love first because as author and speaker Josh McDowell states, “Rules without relationships leads to rebellion” and this principle can be no more clearly seen than in the actions of teenagers. Too often, parents mistake their highest role in the home to be law-givers- “you can’t do ______ because I said so!”. While, establishing healthy boundaries and rules to guide our children is a must, parents must not forget the “why’ behind the rules. We create rules for our children because we love them and want what is best for them. Therefore, it is your role to help your child understand why you feel a certain rule is important- your teen cannot read your mind and their “logic” is very likely not your “logic”. It is ok to share with your child the rationale for why you have certain rules. In fact, by sharing how and why you have created certain rules you may be able to elicit helpful adaptations to the rules that can keep your child safer and that your child will be more willing to follow.

All rules must include effective consequences

Do you find yourself getting into the same arguments with your child and fighting over the same rules over and over? Do you have rules in place but your child’s behaviors aren’t changing? Take hope! Likely, you are just not using an effective consequence. For consequences to work they must be clear and able to be applied consistently every time a rule is broken. Your child must know the exact consequence they will receive should they break a rule and then the consequence needs to be given as soon as possible every time. Too often as parents we can become reactive to our teen’s behaviors instead of pro-active. Have you ever been frustrated at your teen and out of impulse made a statement like this: “Go to your room, I’m done, you’re grounded.” My guess is your child likely responded with, “You are so unfair!” Clear and consistent consequences can help keep you from this battle. Instead, your teen will know exactly what to expect when he or she breaks the rules and you will only need to consistently enforce that consequence.

Consequences are meant to decrease unwanted behavior, if your teen’s behavior isn’t decreasing the consequence isn’t working. So the next time you find yourself frustrated that your teenager won’t pick up his room. Ask yourself, “Is the consequence clear and am I giving a consequence every time they break the rule?” If the answer is yes to both of these but your teenager’s negative behavior is not decreasing it is time to try a new consequence. Perhaps try sitting down with your teenager and asking what he/she thinks might work as a consequence to change their behavior. Don’t be surprised if your teenager has some good ideas. When establishing rules regarding drug and alcohol use, sit down together with your teenager and work together to come up with rules and consequences regarding drugs, alcohol, parties, and curfew. Be sure to take time to listen to your child’s thoughts, use this as a time to get your teen to open up about some of the possible risks and dangers he/she might be facing and create a plan to address those issues. If the thought of having a conversation like this with your teen leaves you feeling uncomfortable or nervous, remind yourself why this is important to you- At the end of this post you will find multiple links discussing how to start this conversation and key questions to ask your teen.

If your child is feeling loved and safe, they likely are already feeling a good sense of belonging to your family. However, adolescence is a time filled with changes. From the way your child looks, thinks, talks, and, yes, even smells, your teen is going through a significant period of transition. You know your teen wants to fit in with everyone else at school, but did you know that, even more than fitting in with friends, he wants to fit in with you and your family. Your teen needs to know that he or she is a valuable part of the family! To do this it will require you to listen more, encourage more, praise more, and simply be there more.

Hopefully by following these tips you can create a safer and more loving relationship with your teen! If you know or suspect that your teen is already struggling with alcohol or substance abuse it may be helpful to seek additional outside support. We have many family coaches and therapists who are ready and able to help and will meet you in the comfort and privacy of your own home.

Parenting Resources

samhsa.gov/underagedrinking

easyread.drugabuse.gov/drug-free-children-teens.php

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